WTTGT Writer: Simon Bourne (Site Editor) – Follow Me
Headline: A proper carry on!
Arsène Wenger & Barbara Windsor*
The Frenchman was [not] spotted this weekend in a Monaco hotel with Eastender, Barbara Windsor. Wenger has apparently [never] been dating the star for famed for flashing her goods and high pitched voice.
In a statement [not] released, Wenger said: “I did not see her.”
Headline: Keano’s had a Paddy
Roy Keane & Patrick Vieria*
The Irish star has [not] been ousted on Twitter as Patrick Vieria’s secret lover. The Frenchman has [not] been seen since he [didn’t] reveal on Twitter that he “is secretly in love with the Irishman and their public spat was only ever pretend.”
A [made up] former Irish team-mate of Keane added that the truth behind him leaving the Irish 2002 World Cup squad was so he could [not] introduce his parents to his new lover.
Speculation [doesn’t] suggest that Keane likes to refer to Vieria as ‘Paddy’ when they’re [not] getting jiggy.
Headline: Britney’s Ars Shavin’*
Andrei Arshavin & Britney Spears
It’s [not] emerged that Arsenal’s Russian flair player, Andrei Arshavin was the reason behind Spears shaving off her hair.
The ditsy blonde got confused amongst a [non-existent] torrid cocktail of lust and translation, with the Russian [definitely not] innocently jotting down ‘Arshavin’ on a leaked love note.
Sure enough, before Andrei could [not] correct her, she’d whipped off her locks [not] in an effort to impress the Russian who merely burrowed in her bizarre snippets of affection.
Spears’ [non-existent] affection for Arshavin was [not] relatively short-lived when she realised Arshavin was Russian… Russian home…
*Just to clarify, this is DEFINITELY not true… there is no super-injunction… and these people are not in, not have been, in a relationship…