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Welcome to the Magic Roundabout: Arsenal’s transfer dizziness begins

It’s that’s time of year, it’s mid June, the transfer window is open and the Magic Roundabout is here again. Dougal wakes up and proclaims to the world “The Arsenal will sign Jesus tomorrow. He is on a plane back from Brazil as we speak. His medical is this afternoon, he will be announced to […]

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It’s not fair! – Ginger Whinger complains at Arteta’s touchline antics

From my sources, Paul Scholes is going to make an official complaint to the FA following Mikel Arteta’s disgusting antics during the Arsenal/United game on Saturday. In the 32nd minute, Mikel committed the heinous crime of enticing the home fans to get behind the team, whilst Craig Pawson was reviewing VAR footage for a possible […]

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The Football Association set to release an Arsenal celebration clause – Exclusive

Following the submission of official complaints from a number of players , the FA are to hold an extraordinary committee meeting to bring in a change in the rules regarding celebrations. My insider at FA HQ managed to take a photo of the agenda and faxed it to me this morning. As President, Prince William […]

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What to do with Douzi, Dinos and Bill? – A Loan report, (of sorts)!!

During a normal day at the office, everyday lowlife and minor TV celebrity ‘Tears Margon’ was checking through his vast network of totally legal phone taps and spyware, when he came across spreadsheet on Arteta’s personal laptop titled: ‘What to do with Douzi, Dinos and Bill?’ Intrigued and thinking of the money he could make […]

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The Kraken? Remember, for every Auba, there is also an Iwobi

So the mystical Kraken never materialised. We sold/loaned a grand to total of 6 (first team players) players for a grand total of £2m (supposedly) and brought, well, no-one, unless you count re-loans back to Stan’s American franchise. The biggest move was obviously Auba to Barca on a free. Number 14 number 2 takes the captains […]

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Waiting for the Kraken to be announced on Manic Monday – Arsenal Transfer Rumour Round-up

2 days and counting. AMN, Balogan, Mari, Kola, Chambers have departed to pastures new either permanently or a “try before buy” basis. Eddie is likely off to N€wcastle. Auba is expected to arrive LATE  on Monday at Barca or Juve. The first team squad as is stands, is at 19, baring red cards, Covid or […]

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Sorry seems to be the hardest word: The Granit Xhaka Red Card Saga

With a couple of free weeks on his hands, Granit’s social media manager, Terrance Witter, decided to call an emergency meeting. Meeting up for a socially distanced juice at the local London Colney Costa Coffee, T.Witter arrived first, due to Xhaka having to prove his vaccination status to be allowed on the premises. Finally, they sat […]

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Gabriel makes it a 100th Arsenal Red Card Premier League Roll of Dishonour!

The One Hundred Just feel gutted about Saturday’s result, we didn’t deserve the decisions, we didn’t deserve the result, but we do deserve constant referees and we do deserve consistent use of VAR. We also passed a milestone; Gabriel became the unenviable 100th Gooner sent off in the Premier League.   So, here is my […]

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A Fairy Tale of Hale End – A Gunners Town Christmas Exclusive

If the Obi-Wan variant hasn’t brought international travel to a grinding halt, this should be coming to you from a sunny evening in Fiji. A Christmas song from meIt’s been emotional Drink and be merry …………     It was Christmas Eve mateIn the North BankThe Clock End said to me,it’s been a trying oneAnd […]

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Saturday Night’s Alright: have Arsenal’s Street Fighting Years returned?

There has been a lot of talk about Arsene returning to The Arsenal in some capacity and just maybe this has happened sooner than we think. Similar  to Wenger’s infamous spat with Maureen back in 2014. Mikel came close to blows with Klopp on Saturday night. Presumably NOT the after effects of an afternoon on […]

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