Arsenal News: New third kit unveiled, Nicklas Bendtner loses the plot and Abou Diaby injury problem revealed

I’ve made a decision. No more jovial old me. No more joking and fooling around, as when I do make a serious point, probably a week or two before any of the big hitting, hugely followed, deep  in-depth accounts mention the same fact.

But my point is just ignored, as, “ah sure he’s only taking the piss”, but when the others say the same a week or so later, then they go “mmm, interesting point”, etc. So, no more of that from this kiddo. So here we go now, onto another, more serious episode of my writing life.

I want to start this week, by bringing to your attention the psychology involved in being top of the table, and more importantly staying there. Firstly, there is…“wow wait a second, what’s this?” {Turns to TV}. “Hello, good evening and welcome to Arsenal news. Keeping you up to date with the news, as it comes in daily.  (As in every day, not Tom). The time is 20.04, my name is Ian Vince Ible.

breaking news

The headlines tonight – After some people saying that manager Arsene Wenger was walking around Colney during the summer, looking like the guy out of ‘Weekend at Bernies’, having lost the plot and showing signs of early dementia, Alzheimer’s or being just outright mental, we looked into his past and discovered that he indeed has spent time in mental institutions.

arsene and mental dude

Here we have a photo of him and “Ike” another loon at the institution. We’ve discovered Arsene just wanted to study these people, somewhat like movie stars like Daniel Day Lewis does when preparing for movies.

For Arsene this wasn’t in preparation for a movie, it was to prepare himself for a life dealing with media and footballers. Well it makes sense now, why he’s kept a few mental people near him through the rest of his career. It certainly explains, now, why he seems to have surrounded himself in mental bastards throughout the rest of his career.


It’s like a red and white scene from Colney’s Cuckoo’s Nest. This week saw the announcement from Mayor of London, Boris Johnson that cocaine was to be legalised in the city of London, in a bid to keep top bankers in the UK, without having to break the new banking pay restrictions enforeced post economic crisis. This has made one man in The Arsenal ranks very happy indeed.

Tomas Rosicky 01

People wondering where Abou Diaby has gone, worry no more, today he was in Colney, doing some stretching and the full extent of his injury was made clear. He has a terribly rancid, scanny growth growing out of his foot ever since a pretty bad challenge from one of his first-team forays.

Abou Diaby 02

Arsenal have today revealed the first of the new Puma kits for next season. Naturally the Home and Away kits will not be revealed for a long while yet, but they have released images of the third kit, or as it’s been called in the company’s state “Arsenal European away strip 2014”.


Unusual colours, but nice all the same, I’m sure you’ll agree.   While watching the Crystal Palace against West Ham United on Tuesday evening, Miss Cathy Crabtree, a care worker in an orphanage in the Midlands, recognised two faces on the TV. Sam Allardyce and Tony Pulis. She couldn’t grasp where she knew them from, until she was going throught some files, later on in the night. Then she came across a photo of Pulis and Sam, on top a file of Jermaine, with a red stamp “to be collected, Monday 23rd June 1990”. Beside that there was another stamp, “uncollected, still in care.” She opened the file to reveal, the file of a child, their child, they had handed in over 20 years ago, and abandoned, and here is a photo of him taken that very day, even donning a baseball cap like one of his dads.

defoe full kit

After Tom Daley came out this week, I think it might be Jermaine Defoe’s turn next.


Shinji Kagawa has finally flipped out at not getting enough game time at Manchester United.


And then to rub salt into Kagawa’s wounds he drops him in favour of Marouane Fellaini, and then David Moyes goes one step further then by doing this:


I relation to a previous story, Tony Pulis is now settling into life as Crystal Palace manager. Tonight we can reveal how he managed to fight off opposition and claim the job in the first place:


Brrrrrr, I think we’ll wrap it up on that note, but finally, the weather with Denise. Well it’s getting pretty cold out there, anybody going to any games should wrap up well, as we look at tonight, well there’s two feet of snow out there:


Thank you Denise. Well there you have it folks, that’s all from the newsroom tonight, I’ve been Ian Vince Ible, have a lovely evening, and we’ll leave you with some images found on Twitter this week, from the wonderful to the downright weird, but will help you appreciate, that though a lot of Arsenal fans moan, we aren’t that bad really in comparison to some of the others, be warned this is a genuine picture of an Aston Villa fan, sent into “Full kit wankers” site.


So you still wanna sign Christian Benteke? And we were speaking of mental institutions earlier, well here’s a perfect applicant. Even ‘The Mad Bag’ is shocked:


And finally, a big well done to all who took part in Movember including our own @AFC_GLENN ,  who raised over a grand, fair play:


Aww…. Well it’s too late to start writing now. I’ll do the serious one next week, I promise. Until then, keep the faith.


John Woods

One Response to Arsenal News: New third kit unveiled, Nicklas Bendtner loses the plot and Abou Diaby injury problem revealed

  1. Top Banter December 5, 2013 at 7:12 pm #

    This is a great blog keep it up

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