
Have we bought Lemar yet?
This is one of those completely off the wall blog ideas, the seed of which was planted by the phrase – “Have we bought Lemar yet?” A phrase that for some obscure reason brought to mind, well my mind at least, the equally annoying question, often posed by children in the back of a car, perhaps on a long journey to a summer holiday destination, at this time of year – “Are we nearly there yet?” The resulting nonsense goes something like this…
..
Setting the scene with Arsenal mad kids (or impatient Twitter Gooners) in the back of a car on their way to the holiday. Dad, also obviously a more mature Arsenal fan, who has been there before is trying to keep a lid on it!
Dad, have we bought Lemar yet?
No boys but I think maybe we will soon.
10 minutes later..
Dad, have we bought Lemar yet?
No boys but let’s hope Arsene goes back with a higher bid.
10 Minutes later
Dad, have we bought Lemar yet?
Still no boys but we may not need him if Alexis is staying.
10 minutes later
Dad have we bought Lemar yet?
Boys it is a long way to the end of the Transfer Window journey so can we change the subject?
Boy 1 – But Dad it is such a Seri long journey
Boy 2 – Yes Dad, such a Seri Seri long journey
Boy 3 – Yes Dad is such Seri Seri Seri long way to go
. .
I know it is hard to be patient lads so why don’t we play a game. How about 20 Questions?
Okay Dad – The boys decided to confer on the subject
Ready Dad
Ok are you animal, vegetable or mineral?
Animal Dad
Okay are you alive?
Yes Dad
Do you live in the UK?
No Dad
What colour are you?
Black Dad
Are you a family pet or domestic animal?
No Dad
I see, so are you large?
Yes, huge Dad
So a large black animal. Mmmmm, are you a Panther?
No Dad
Are you an African Elephant?
Don’t be silly Dad, they are grey not black
Ok, have you got four legs?
No Dad
Mmmm, perhaps you are a Black Mamba
No Dad, we have got legs
Ah a clue, so you might be a bird then. Are you a stork?
No Dad (giggles)
Are you an Emperor Penguin?
No Dad, come on they are half white anyway
I am on the wrong track here aren’t I?
Yes, you are Dad
You are a human aren’t you?
Yes Dad, finally!
So you are a black human and you don’t live in the UK?
Yes Dad, well not at present
Do you live in Europe somewhere?
Yes Dad
PENNY DROPS
Do you want this person to come to the UK?
Yes please Dad!
Oh, for crying out loud, are you Wiliam Carvalho?
Haha Yes Dad, took you long enough
. .
You boys are utterly obsessed. We are going on holiday, so can you not just take a break from Arsenal for the rest of the journey please?
Alright Dad
Why don’t we play a different game where even you boys cannot divert it to Arsenal? How about Eye Spy?
Okay Dad
The boys again confer and titter amongst themselves…
Dad. Are you ready?
Yes lads
The eldest son as spokesman announces.. I spy with my little eye something beginning with VVD
For God’s sake boys you cannot see Virgil van Dijk from this car window
We can Dad there is a picture of him on the back of your newspaper you bought on the ferry.
. .
I have had it up to here boys. We are not buying Virgil because Arsene has faith in his current players in the new secure three-man defence. Now that is the end of it. I am not playing any more games with you three. I think you better just play FIFA on you PS Vitas and stop bothering me.
The excited boys, after playing a bit f FIFA, all with Lemar in their team, fall asleep..
An hour or so later – Dad, have we bought Lemar yet?
You know what boys I think we just might have!

Passionate fifty-something Arsenal supporter who has been making the journey to N5 regularly since the early 1980s – although his first game was in 1976. Always passionate when talking about The Arsenal, Dave decided to send a guest blog to Gunnersphere in the summer of 2011 and has not stopped writing about the Gunners since.
He set up his own site – 1 Nil Down 2 One Up – in February 2012, which he moved on in 2016 to concentrate on freelance writing and building Gunners Town, which he launched with Paul in 2014.
The objective of GT was to be new and fresh and to give a platform for likeminded passionate Arsenal fans wishing to write about their team. Dave still of course, writes for the site himself and advises the ever-changing writing crew.
Loved it…. 🙂