The New and Improved Nicklas Bendtner: Is the ego still cashing cheques his talent can’t cash?

Once upon a time, a
long, long time ago, there was a young boy called Niki who dreamed of playing

Gandalf missing an elf

So to fulfil his
dreams, at the tender age of 17 he left Kjøbenhavns Boldklub to join The
Arsenal, where he met Arturo Lupoli and they became best of friends.

Arturo and Niki
enjoyed playing together and they had lots of fun tormenting the boys from the
other academies, until one day Grand Wizard Wenger decreed that Niki needed go
to the far north (Birmingham) and get toughened up by the championship trolls.

Niki took the trip
t’up north with Fabrice, where together they aided the Brummies in finding the
gold at the end of the rainbow.

Goldie missing her locks

Fabrice stayed, but
Niki followed the breadcrumbs back to London to continue his Arsenal education.
Unfortunately on his return south, Niki’s ego had started to rise which lead to
a heat of the battle clash with the evil giant Adebay-Whore.

The Whore not missing his butt

This was soon
resolved as The Whore stormed off to Madrid on a quest for more gold doubloons.
However, Niki’s ego was now cashing cheques his talent could not cash.

Missing the point

Never one to be
understated, Niki’s fairy godmother granted his wish and presented him with
some pink slippers to go to the ball in Kiev. Little Niki then asked his
football genie for a new number. Mean Eddie wouldn’t give him number 9 so
instead he was granted number 52. Apparently this was a special number and was
to bring him good fortune and had absolutely nothing to do with signing a
contract worth £52k-a-week, no nothing at all.

Even though he was
never appointed as top cat at Arsenal, Niki never stopped believing. So much so
that when questioned by the evil tabloid, Niki responded

“If you ask me if I
am one of the best strikers in the world, I say yes because I believe it”

After another
failed campaign in his quest to becoming the grand master, Niki’s mood darkened
& he stated that:

‘I will never go back to Arsenal, if I can have it my way, I will never
play for them again. I will find a new club – but I will not go back to
Arsenal, that’s for sure.’

This lead to more
wandering for Niki.

Firstly a trip to
the far north, to Sunderland. Although his efforts were appreciated by The
Makems, nothing full time materialised and Niki was left to find his way again.

This was followed
by a jaunt in the Rhineland, Niki thought an impersonation of ‘Paddy Pants
Down’ would get him noticed and a move away from (in his eyes) ‘The Evil
Emirates’. Unfortunately it got him noticed to the tune of £80,000 as the UEFA
overlords deem corporate sabotage a more serious infringement than racism.

NB missing £80,000

Finally, an Old
Lady took pity and if by magic Niki found himself in Turin.

Missing the love

However things
didn’t go to plan (again) and yet again Niki found himself back under Wizard
Wenger’s control.

Despite desperately
trying to free himself from the clutches of The Emirates, Niki spurned many
opportunities to depart, because he believed he was worth so much more and when
Wenger’s supermarket sweep failed to bag a Ba, B52 was left with a career
defining decision.

And so, despite the
hair, NB52 has now transformed himself into NB23, in what we assume to be an
attempt to be taken seriously

My daughter missing a hair clip

Following his first
step to reintegration, Niki posted the following:

“Very emotional return, but what better way than a win! Fans was
absolutely incredible throughout the game and help us in difficult periods. For
myself I was very moved by my reception and hearing my song again made my heart
skip! Young players did ever so well and kept their cool in a difficult penalty
shootout. Respect! Skipper! looking fresh!”

Maybe he has cashed
all his cheques and he can now live happily ever after.

Missing the fairy-tale ending, Maybe? 

Steve Wellman 

One Response to The New and Improved Nicklas Bendtner: Is the ego still cashing cheques his talent can’t cash?

  1. Klos Boonthawee October 1, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

    I don’t think real gooners do sit down and type this kind of articles, they went to West Brom and cheer for him.

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