Don’t Board The Outrage Bus!


The great thing about doing this fortnightly is that it gives me more of a chance to observe how our moods and reactions can change during the Silly Season.

For instance, when I started jotting down stuff for this instalment, the end of the world was nigh, as Cesc Fabregas committed the most heinous of crimes and joined Mourinho and Abramovich to form what shall now be known as the Axis of Cuntery.

This was closely followed by Bacary Sagna’s “shock” move to Manchester City.

As I write now though, there seems to be a touch more optimism in the air, as we are linked with such names as Balotelli, Sanchez and Greizmann, mere days after the end of the world parts 2 and 3 came about by rumours of strengthening Manchester United beyond anything even the great Brazil sides of the 50’s , 60’s and 70’s could match by selling our captain to them AGAIN.

Latest victim of the  Captain's Curse?

Latest victim of the Captain’s Curse?

Not content with giving them our skipper who nobody wanted to be our skipper any more anyway, we thought we would have ourselves a bit of Tom Cleverly (yeah, I know) along the way.
I understand the feeling that selling to our rivals has been a more regular occurrence than is ideal in recent years, but for fucks sake, think back to Everton away and Vermaelen was the devil, now all of a sudden he’s likely to come on leaps and bounds under Van Gaal?

Have a word and calm down a bit.

Quite a bit to take in there, and I’ve not even mentioned The Great Carlos Vela Debate!

That brings me nicely to this:

DB’s Summer Survival Tip No.5 – Avoid the Outrage Bus

Welcome Aboard the Outrage Bus!
Destination – The Meltdown Hotel
Stopping at;
NotAnotherTrolleyDash Town
Bullshit Boulevard

Looks like fun. It's not.

Looks like fun. It’s not.

DO NOT board this bus, it is to be avoided at all costs.

This is the journey from hell, as the bus is full of shouty weirdos proclaiming such nonsense as;


Seriously, why the hell this tendency to get our knickers in a twist despite the obvious fact that it’s pretty much 99% horse shit click fodder is beyond me.
And it’s always the horror stories that people believe isn’t it?

Like, no way we’re getting Balotelli but you can bet your bollocks we’ll end up with Cleverly.

Try not getting carried away about every little thing you hear, and you’ll avoid embarrassing yourself.

Let’s talk about Cesc

My own feelings on the Cesc situation were quickly cast aside as I watched the whole soap opera unfold on Twitter in front of my very eyes, as a photo of him in a Chelsea shirt surfaced on the internet.


How many light switches does it take to make a wall?

How many light switches does it take to make a wall?

On first glance of it, it looked a definite fake, a decent attempt at Photoshop – 7/10. This was obviously because I was expecting a fake, I mean, it was Twitter after all.

The next 10 minutes or so were an absolute whirlwind, as people were zooming in at all angles to prove it as a fake, there were conspiracy theories aplenty:

“He would never sign for them!”

“Where are the tattoos?!”
(The one on his right arm was there if you zoomed in)

“Why would he be wearing one shirt AND holding up another one??”
(Seemed a valid question at the time, although on further reflection if it did, then the question would surely be why the fuck would someone photoshop him doing it?!)

If you were to zoom in enough you could see a gunman on the grassy knoll, explosions at the base of the tower, and Lord fucking Lucan if you wanted to.

It was only minutes later that the whole thing was confirmed as true, Cesc was revealed as the lone gunman, thumbs up in a Chelsea shirt.
The prick.

I can’t even begin to go into detail here of the reaction on twitter when this happened.

Piss taking.
The lot.

All I will say is that every emotion that came out that day was understandable.

Even those of you that were clinging onto that last little bit of hope, that those words he had said before meant he would never sign for a club like Chelsea.

That hope, and dare I say blind faith, are two of the main things that separate us football supporters from footballers. Clinging onto that hope only makes you human.

Footballers, on the other hand, are not human.

I’m sure at some point some of them do love the club, but it can never be in the way that we do.

When Cesc was with us, I thought the way he went round throwing pizzas and pissing off Phil Brown and stuff was due to his passion for the club.
I then thought the same of Van Persie’s general shithouse behaviour.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naive enough to believe the “Once a Gunner, always a Gunner” shit, but they both seemed to have an edge about them that I almost made you think they “got us”.

Turns out they were both just cunts.

You can use that fact to simplify this whole situation if you wish – Cesc Fabregas is a Chelsea player, which automatically makes him a massive cunt.

He signed for them from Barcelona, who are right up there with them on the scale of cuntishness.

There was always this thing about him going there that he might one day come back, but now that ain’t gonna happen I feel free to full on hate the little shit now.

It’s a liberating feeling.
Try it.
It won’t be long before you do anyway.

Yet, that blind faith surfaces again personally when I take a look around our squad and it looks virtually cunt-free.

Is there a chance that this current squad, with its undoubted togetherness and spirit, has banished that feeling of “we’re gonna lose X or Y sooner or later?”

Certainly food for thought when considering what Arsene’s reasons for rejecting poor little Cesc may have been.

I’ve not gone into whether Arsene was right or wrong to turn him down, and I’m not dodging it, it’s just that it’s been done to death, and it remains to be seen what the outcome will be.

I seem to have gone on about the Formula One fan with the unpredictable hamstrings way too much than I had planned this week, but I guess apart from the usual nonsense and speculation, that’s been the biggest thing to actually happen of note.

All of a sudden, though, all that seems a million years ago and, thankfully, the World Cup kicking into gear (well, not for England, obviously) has taken most sensible people’s minds off of things for the time being, which is how it should be really.

Prepare yourself though, because when it’s all over and done with, there will be nothing else left but to focus your mind on the transfer window 24/7.

Or you could just get out a bit.
Watch you don’t get run over by that outrage bus though….

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