Manchester United legend seeks counselling over Arsenal hatred

Welcome to Your Local AHA meeting

Mesut Ozil Danny Welbeck

In a small church hall in Cheshire, a group of dishevelled men sit in a circle, eating rich tea biscuits and drinking tea. Everyone goes quiet when a small ginger guys stands up to speak.

“Hi may name is Paul and I’m an addict, an Arsenal Hating Addict.”

“Hi Paul” comes the reply from the rest of the room.

“I bloody hate Arsenal, I played for Manchester United for like 20 years and I hate Arsenal.” Mr Scholes starts. “I mean, Mezut Özil? Too good for Arsenal.

Danny Welbeck? Needs to practice his shooting and can’t score 25 goals in a season.

Jack Wilshere? Does not look any better a player now than when he was 17.

Per Mertesacker? Arsene’s tactics and lack of defenders expose him.

Arsene Wenger? His inadequacies will hold back Arsenal.

Arsenal? All style, no substance.

Arsenal? Go for a Premier League trophy? They are a million miles away.

At this stage a grey, gaunt-looking gentleman starts mumbling and gets up to leave. The group organiser tries to restrain him, but he is adamant and forces his way to the door, where he turns around to address the room.

“Hi I’m Stewart Robson, sorry, I’m an addict too, but this is outrageous, this guy is beyond help, I can’t listen to this crap anymore, I’m off….” and out he storms, taking a pack of chocolate hob nobs with him.

Unperturbed by this interruption, Scholesy carries on;

“And another thing, Arsenal always qualify and always seem to get through the group. The only problem with Arsenal is when they meet top teams, they don’t seem to have the consistent level of mental strength to get through it.”

And so it goes on and on and on, until Paul’s trail of thought is disrupted by his mobile ringing. Embarrassed by this interruption, he answers it and waits for the voice on the other end.

“Hi Paul, it’s talkSPORT here, we are looking for an Arsenal-hating pundit for Premier League games, to replace Adrian Durham and we’ve heard you were free.”

A wry smile breaks out on the ginger ones face. He looks up to the crowd and says,

“Stuff you lot, I’m out of here, I’m gonna get paid for this addiction, sweet!!!”……….

Mr Scholes, you don’t play for United any more, you don’t have to toe the party line, you can think for yourself. Or are you so blinkered, you can’t see beyond those Dark Satanic Mills, AKA Old Trafford.

Remember, whilst Welbeck was playing Champions League football and Arsenal were comfortably beating Aston Villa, Wayne Rooney was picking out which series of Breaking Bad to watch and Leicester City were banging five goals past United.

But we don’t talk about that now, do we?!


Please, take a leaf out of Gary Neville’s book on punditry, because he cut the umbilical cord and is now one of the best and level headed pundits out there.

TheSundayMorningGooner and his Far Side View

Steve Wellman

4 Responses to Manchester United legend seeks counselling over Arsenal hatred

  1. Spanish Red September 23, 2014 at 3:23 pm #

    Scholes has certainly found his voice since he retired and he does seem to reserve a lot of his opinions for Arsenal. He should certainly speak less than he does as he now seems to be trying to make up for all the quiet years whilst he was playing.
    The worrying aspect of his opinions for Arsenal fans is the fact that he is 99% right. The 1% is the possibility they may win the Capital One cup, which is a trophy they are not a million miles away from.
    As for what Rooney was doing when Arsenal were losing to Dortmund and then beating Villa, (a feat not regularly performed, so it is an achievement), it would seem a little irrelevant as nothing has been won or lost in these games.
    A more pertinent question would be what Arsenal players were doing on the three occasions Manchester United won the Champions League/European Cup, the other two occasions on which they reached the final, and the twenty occasions they have won the Premier league. The answer is teally very simple. They either went missing or were simply not good enough.
    As for Wenger. He is a good manager even if he doesn’t like to spend other peoples money. His track record recently is not great. I hope the purchase of Welbeck turns out to be good for Welbecks sake, although I doubt it. When he was available where was the interest from Chelsea, Liverpool, City, Real Madrid or even Barcelona? There was none. Only Arsenal were brave/daft enough to take the chance. As far as strikers go, United have Falcao, City have Aguero, Chelsea have Costa, Liverpool have Sturridge and now, bringing them into the same league as the aforementioned Arsenal has dopey Danny.
    Good luck, you will need it!

  2. Harv September 23, 2014 at 3:32 pm #

    Well perhaps if your side won more than one trophy every nine years, won the Champions League and seriously challenged for the Premiership title once in a blue moon then this article would have a point. Until then this just comes across as bitter and twisted sour grapes lmfao

  3. Arsenal1Again September 23, 2014 at 5:22 pm #

    Your Gary Neville love is there for all to see. Very telling indeed, especially with the mention of two ex-ManU players, plus feeling qualified to Judge two ex-ManU players and worse, comparing two ex-ManU players, ROFL.

    Who cares if a ManU ex-player is biased towards his old team and is very critical of Arsenal? Half his stuff is agreed correct, Wilshere has for a long time been letting Arsenal down and England, Welbeck does need to work on his shooting on match days and match his finishing in training, the ticka-tacka football has produced 1 FA Cup in almost a decade so it IS pretty to watch but has no substance.

    The hilarious scoreline against of ManU against Leicester doesn’t make these things wrong.

    The most bitter and most critical ex-player commenting on Arsenal is Ian Wright. Scholes has never said anything remotely anti-Arsenal compared to him.

    Don’t watch Sky Sports News on Match days, Merse is sometimes more critical as is Big Frank and those guys love Arsenal. They criticise because they are disappointed, Scholes is also disappointed, you are barking right up the wrong tree.

    Gary Neville is not disappointed, he is indifferent about Wellbeck, Wilshere’s performances for England, about an Ex-team mate who now plays for Arsenal, he is less peofessional than Scholes, is uncaring.

    Pundits are paid to give their opinions because they are qualified, being ex-players and ex-rivals. Who better to give an opinion?

    Scholes criticises ManU more than Arsenal too.

    When did you last hear Dixon sound like he is biased towards Arsenal, even a little? It is about balance and fairness. Dixon comes across as too unbiased and by default sounds indifferent, uncaring, sounds as amateurish as Neville.

    Best Pundits are Roy Keane, R.Ferdinand, Scholes and Gary Lineker, they have a backbone, are qualified to give an opinion and are not worrying about the loss of their pundit spots like Dixon and G.Neville. His brother Philip is better than those two.

    You seem to equate honesty with anti-Arsenal when really it is about disappointment about underachievers.

  4. Brian Dawes September 24, 2014 at 8:54 am #

    Top quality article sir.

    Scholes was always a noxious little shit, so nothing changes. The chip on his shoulder, probably because we won the league at Old Trollop is nearly as big as Hanson’s 1989 chip.

    Gary Neville, whom I absolutely detested as a player, is a million miles ahead of the rest when it comes to punditry

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