Fancy reading about what’s wrong at Arsenal at the moment and what needs to be done about it then?
No, thought not…..
Well, its great fun at the moment ain’t it?
In the short space of two weeks, my twitter timeline has gone from being almost entirely made up of discussion about which are the better crisps or sweets ( the answer is of course Brannigans Beef and Mustard and Wine Gums), to looking like the Jeremy Kyle show.
I wonder if old Jezza could sort out our problems? It would certainly make for compelling viewing, if you like that sort of thing.
Perhaps he could do a DNA test to see who’s the “better fan” or something.
It would certainly be more fun than sitting through an international break with everyone bitching at each other or, just as bad, the prospect of the media revelling in our misery and hitting us with whatever bullshit they can come up with. We’ve already had some corkers from the Metro the other week when it was quiet, one suggesting the bloke who sells programmes outside the Bernabeu taking over from Wenger or something.
Here are a few more gems that may or may not be surfacing in the lead up to the United game…
Lukas Podolski ate my Hamster
Lukas Podolski is being frozen out at Arsenal because he ate Arsene Wenger’s pet hamster, Patrice, according to a source close to the Emirates club.
The incident occurred during celebrations following the Gunners FA Cup final triumph over Hull City in May.
It’s understood that Wenger, who had already left Podolski on the bench for spells last season, finally snapped when the German international swallowed Patrice whole, washed down with Bitburger beer on the team coach after the Wembley showpiece.
Bould: My Hostage Hell
Arsenal legend Gus Ceasar has revealed that Arsenal no.2 Steve Bould is being denied the chance to sort out Arsenal’s defensive woes due to the fact he is being held in hostage conditions during training sessions.
The former gunners fan favourite has claimed Bould is left chained to a radiator most days at London Colney, with only Mrs Browns Boys and Miranda DVD’s for entertainment.
The source said “Bould has no interaction with the team during training due to his being chained to the radiator situation. The only interaction he does get is when Podolski occasionally comes in and waves his willy in his face.”
Arteta signs 90 year contract
Arsenal captain Mikel Arteta has signed a new deal that will keep him at the club until 2104.
This is sure to further frustrate Gunners fans that have been crying out for a new defensive midfielder, and are already worried that the midfielder is struggling to keep up with the pace of the Premier League.
Arteta will be 102 when his new deal runs out, and it’s thought that the Spaniards hair will be kept on in a coaching role at the Emirates club.
Abou Diaby Found on the Moon
Arsenal midfielder Abou Diaby has been spotted on the moon, according to unconfirmed reports.
It’s not known whether this is a last gasp attempt to revive the players injury ravaged career, or if he got lost one morning on the way to training.
Our source said “Diaby was spotted in the cockpit of a World War Two bomber on the surface of the moon. There were reports that he was close to making a first team comeback soon, but this is more believable.”
I guess I should cover the Wenger Out / Wenger In debate right?
Here goes then….
I would like to apologise (again) for trying to make light of the situation, but at the end of the day, that’s what it is – a situation at a football club.
I’m not belittling it, and anyone that knows me will vouch for my passion for The Arsenal, but sometimes, when it becomes about abusing each other, and spending every minute of the day stressing and complaining, then for me it’s time to take a step back and look at things for what they are.
I realised the other day that despite the pretty dire start to the season, I’ve had an absolute blast at every game I’ve been to.
I mean, we blew a 3-0 lead at home to Anderlecht the other week and, as much as that result hurt, my abiding memory of that game was the people I shared that pain with. Some I met for the first time, some I don’t see often enough, and the rest that I share most games with and will continue to do so.
It’s the people that can make it what it is, the people you choose to experience it with, whether attending a match, watching it from the other side of the planet, or sharing your views on the internet.
The best thing you can do is share it with people that make it enjoyable for you, whatever enjoyable means to you.
I mean, I’m actually seeing angry people question why other people aren’t angry enough.
I’m seeing people twist and turn nigh on everything they hear or read to suit their own beliefs.
I’m seeing the FA Cup win that we revelled in, the trophy we had craved for nine long years, being belittled by the same people who were revelling in it just a few months ago.
I’m seeing grown up adult human beings telling other grown up adult human beings what they should be thinking.
For fucks sake.
The whole thing has become incredibly tiresome to me.
In case you are waiting for my opinion on the Wenger In / Wenger Out debate, well that was it, because to me this is what it has come down to.
And if he stays I’ll carry on the same, if he goes I’ll carry on the same.
Again, I’m not telling anyone how to think, or how to live their lives, or whatever. This is simply how I choose to approach things.
If spending all week arguing on the internet like schoolgirls is your thing, then by all means carry on.
I’ll be right over here with a pint and a grin.
Islington born and bred, Arsenal through and through. Supported the Gunners for all of my 46 years (so far!) through thick and thin.
Clickbait: Life as a Modern Football Fan – released 2019
Currently working on my next book – Over Land and Sea (and Lockdown), Arsenal 20/21 – A Diary of a Season – due for release Summer 2021.
I will back the club I have in my blood to the hilt and I don’t care what you think about that. UTA.
AGAINST MODERN FOOTBALL.