A Ringer in for Theo, a new Ringer in for Ox, the Red Card Rule explained and it is not a Selfie Rio


Winning the games “we should win”, and the new red card laws explained in detail  

Another week, another two wins. This is becoming something of a habit now isn’t it?
Not bad after an international break either.
I feel the need to apologise in advance for the amount of quotation marks in this week’s piece, it just so happened that it was “one of those weeks.”
Just try not to read this to yourself doing those air quote things that people do, because people that do those annoying air quote things deserve to be punched repeatedly in the head.
Arsenal 3 Swansea 2 – Red Cards and Brown Trousers

I was at the Emirates the last time we played Swansea at home, and it was one of the lowlights of last season for me, as it was of course for many of us.
There had been a feeling of bullish optimism among a few of us in the pub (or it might have just been me, I can’t remember) before the game that if we won that night, that we could still go on and win the title, particularly if other results went our way.

I don’t think we (or just I) really believed that deep down, though.
It was more like when you’re sitting there on a Friday night watching the super-mega-multi-millionaire-making-euromillions-and-billions-it-could-be-you-you-gotta-be-in-it-to-win-it-but-you-probably-won’t-win-you-sad-pathetic-little-tw*t draw with your ticket in your hand, making plans to walk straight into work on Monday, still drunk, and have a dump on your bosses face, only for the inevitable to hit home a few minutes later and the reality that you’ll just be back at work getting dumped on yourself come Monday morning, and you knew it all along.
Then, lo and behold, we go 1-0 up with results elsewhere going our way, only to completely Arsenal it and lose.

Last year's not so easy night at home to Swansea

Last year’s not so easy night at home to Swansea

Still, you buy another lottery ticket the following Friday, after watching some little sh*t from Leicester being presented with a great big cheque the previous week.

I guess that, on the face of it, a win over Swansea at home should be filed under “games we should win” rather than “big wins.”

However, for a team that have often “not won games we should win”, on “days when we really need to win them”, then a game “we should win” turns into a “big, big win.”

At the very least, this was most certainly an “important win”, what with our “title rivals” dropping points.
The point I’m trying to make (yeah, believe it or not, there is actually a point here….) is that whether or not we’ve made hard work of a game that we should have won more comfortably; we won it, while City and that lot could only draw, and it’s the latter that makes this win even more important.
You may pour scorn upon those who celebrated this as anything other than a struggle to beat a side we should be beating every time, but show me an Arsenal fan who hasn’t looked on in despair while Arsenal draw or lose a game “we should win”, whilst rivals closest to us in the table drop points and we fail to capitalise, and I’ll show you a liar, sir.
And I tell you what, the feeling after a “holding on” in a game we “should win”, is a whole lot better than the feeling after Swansea at home last season.

And before you give me the “it’s only October” argument (true as it is), it was also “only August” when some were pointing out how many points we were behind City already.
I suppose it goes back to what I was saying in my last piece….just enjoy the ride while it lasts.


A brace for the Ringer in No.14r

A brace for the Ringer in No.14

As for the game itself, the fella we’ve got playing at number 14 pretending to be Theo Walcott scored another couple of goals.
He’s flying at the moment, and long may he continue to thumb his nose at those of us that wanted to sell the real Theo Walcott to West Ham in the summer.
I wonder where he is now…….
As well as Theo’s brace there was a sweet volleyed goal from Mesut Ozil, who continued the run of “Arsenal players that score on their birthday, after I’ve thought to myself “it’s his birthday today…he’s bound to score, I should have a bet on that” but forget to put the bet on.”
Honestly….I could have got at least 25-1 on Koscielny last month I think, but didn’t bother in the end.

Click here to pre-order your signed copy of 'Supporting Arsenal Is A Funny Old Game' by Dave Seager. The perfect Gooner stocking-stuffer!

The perfect Gooner stocking-stuffer! Get it now  here

The other major talking point of the game was, of course Granit Xhaka’s red card, which caused huge controversy and sparked a long and in-depth debate, which spread rapidly throughout about a dozen bored geezers on Twitter.

I mean, for f***s sake, how simple does it need to be?
There really is no need to spend hours of your life trying to be proved right when the rules are crystal clear, as demonstrated in this snippet lifted from the Official FA Website*

Image result for red card rule

Rules and Governance: Law 12: Fouls and Misconduct


If the offending player is an Arsenal player, it’s “never a red”….if it’s one of theirs, it’s either a “definite red”, or “he’s probably been a bit unlucky there, but you can see why the ref sent him off….”
If you are feeling especially generous, you can stretch to “if that had happened to us, I’d have done me f***ing nut, Dave….”

 *may not have actually been lifted from the Official FA Website.

In all seriousness though, good luck to them if they think they have any chance of enforcing that rule consistently throughout the season.
“Incredible scenes at The Britannia last night, as Jose Mourinho’s Manchester United put on a defensive master class to keep out Stoke City, who had been reduced to just three men before half time…..”


 Arsenal 6 Ludogorets 0

Maybe we were only playing a team from Bulgaria you’ve never heard of that sound as if they were named after a throat lozenge, but really, who cares?

If you can’t just sit back and enjoy watching football like that, then you may as well give it all up and get a job as a “pundit” with BT Sport.
A hat-trick from the lazy panic buy, a couple of peaches from Alexis and Theo’s ringer, plus a goal and a pretty impressive performance from The Ox, a player that has taken a fair deal of stick so far this season.

What more can you ask for, regardless of opposition?

Ox had a decent appearance as a sub on Saturday too, so I’m keeping a close eye on him, just so I know we ain’t playing another ringer.

Anyone know if Rizzle Kicks are any good at football?

2 good games in a row from Ox - Ringer?

2 good games in a row from Ox – Ringer?

Once again though, the best thing about another two wins this week is that we are really annoying people with it.

“It was only Ludogorets…”

“…..*someone* needs to *something* against *some team* if he’s to prove he’s *whatever*…..”

“Dressing room selfies are the work of the devil I tell you!!!!!”

Etc, etc, etc……..

Sorry, but I refuse to listen to anyone lecturing us on selfies when they have failed to grasp the most important, and downright bloody obvious concept of a selfie: ONE TAKES IT ONESELF, HENCE THE LABEL “SELFIE.”

It ain't no Selfie Rio

It ain’t no Selfie Rio

Later on, I watched Roy Keane sitting there like an underwhelmed, be-suited Big Issue seller on the highlights show on ITV, and he seemed more at ease when dropping the “we’ve seen all this before….they start the season well then come up short…blah, blah, blah….” line, and pretty much calling their keeper fatty, than he did giving us any credit.

He may well have a point, but the thing is, I knew the boat was gonna sink at the end of Titanic but it didn’t stop me enjoying Kate Winslet whacking her Charlie’s out.

As much as I understand being cautious and the worry that “we’ve seen this film before”, I don’t quite get why you would keep going back to watch the same film if all you’re gonna do is f***ing moan all the way through it.
Even when she’s got her Charlie’s out.
Just grab your popcorn and enjoy it…….

Stunning Hatrick

Stunning Hatrick

Of course there’s nothing like a 6-0 win, including an Ozil hat-trick to send the unforgiving beast that is Arsenal Twitter into overdrive, with old tweets and articles from moronic “journalists” (that one was unavoidable, be fair) being retweeted and quote-tweeted all over the shop.

Lovely stuff.


As far as these “pundits” and “journalists” go, I’ll leave you with this:

Some of them had spent the best part of two days trying to justify a manager going to a major rivals ground with around half of his team virtually playing as defenders.
At 4-0 up with ten minutes to go, Arsenal’s right back was tearing forward in the opposition half.
Call me biased, but I know which one I prefer.


Up The Arsenal

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