Exclusive Transcript of last weeks Talksport weekly programming meeting – Yes the one that caused Durham Rant!!

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It is Talksport’s weekly programming meeting & everyone is at a bit of a loss.

Cundy pipes up, “Look guys, it’s the interlull, England don’t play until Thursday and I’m at a loss. What are we gonna discuss? We haven’t caused an outrage for weeks and frankly, it’s killing me.”

Andy Gray, who is hanging out, at the back of the room, chirps up:

“I know Durham’s on leave, but get him on the phone, he’s always good for a rant, he’s always up for stirring some sh!te up about The Arsenal.”

Richard Keys, who is the acting receptionist these days, jumps on the phone, hits speed dial 1 and waits for Adrian to answer:

“Durham, is that you? Keysy here, we need some of your unbiased, Arsenal scandal, sorry I meant news for the station. Got any vitriol you can pass on?”

“Well funny you should ask” chirps the self-righteous, self-proclaimed expert, “You know me, and I’ve always got a balanced view when it comes to Arsenal. I am and always will be the most knowledgeable football talk show host in the UK, so my point of view is always invaluable & infallible”

Mike Parry interrupts:

“Yes, yes, whatever, we know, come on, spit it out, we’ve got a radio station to run here”

“Right, anyone saying the so called Invincibles are the best team ever have completely lost their minds.

They lost Champions’ League group stage games to Inter and Kyiv. They lost home and away to Middlesbrough in the semi-finals of the League Cup. They lost to Man United in the FA Cup. Not exactly invincible, were they then?

Wenger was obsessed with going unbeaten. So obsessed he did not even try to win games as the season ended.



Andy Gray interjects:


“Really, dude, they didn’t lose a league game all season, no one has done that since 1889, wind your neck in, mate”


“That is one view point Andrew, anyway, back to me. 

Another thing. You do the maths. England hit glorious heights in ’96, then nothing in 22 years with Wenger in the vicinity.

Arsene Wenger decides to disappear from English football and what do you know? All of a sudden, England hit the glorious heights again

Merci Arsene, but stay away from English football. We don’t need you, England are better off without you”


Keys looks up from his latest copy of Reader’s Wives & comments:

“Jesus Adrian, that’s a bit harsh, Arsene changed English football. He’s a legend, give the guy a break”

Still unperturbed by negative feedback, Durham flows into his latest Arsenal bile;

“Yeah, whatever and another thing, the only reason Aubameyang got player of the month is because he plays for Arsenal. 

Take your Ferrari to wherever they are and hand over the award because you do not deserve it. You only have the award because Arsenal have a big social media following and the Premier League want to latch onto it. It’s a disgrace”

“Arsenal are an odious, obnoxious, offensive football club”


Alan Brazil nearly chokes on his afternoon vodka & iron brew:


“Oh come on Adrian, that’s a bit much, even for your bitter & twisted mind. 

What have they ever done to you?

Which player slept with the Bread Knife?

 Adrian are you there, Adrian? Adrian?…….

Guys, I think he’s hung up!”


And for Christmas………….


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