Following Arsenal’s 3-1 victory over Liverpool, Sky Sports have drafted a memo to the EPL setting out the news rules they require to be implemented immediately.
1: All Arsenal players must exit the field of play straight after the game
“Just get down the tunnel. You’ve won a game. It’s three points. Now, get down the tunnel,”
2: No Arsenal players or officials are to celebrate when they win against a title rival.
“By all means enjoy it, but you must show discipline”
3: When Arsenal buy a defensive midfielder, they must not play him as a number 8 and confuse the opposition.
4: All pundits must reiterate that Liverpool need a star striker, a full back and a central midfielder, but must not mention that Arsenal are missing their main striker, two full backs and their best (last season) central midfielder
5: All pundits on all channels MUST remember, it’s not that Arsenal were good, it’s either (a) the opposition played more games than them this month or (b) the opposition just didn’t turn up
“I can’t remember Liverpool ever playing that poorly”
6: All pundits must talk absolute bollox when discussing Arsenal and the title race
“I think today’s result is better for Man City than it is for Arsenal”
Signed
Sky Sports Executives
English by birth, Australian by choice. Traffic Engineer, Arsenal ST Holder, Sun DreamTeam Winner, Writer on @GunnersTown, Depeche Mode, Welcome to my world…
“Australian by choice” How does that work?
Born in England, moved to Australia, chose to take Australian nationality, but still English when it comes to all sports
Hilarious! The celebration police have become quite infantile in their bais. Well written then.
Ha ha, brilliant! And unfortunately very true. Still it will make it a little sweeter when we, (eventually), win the prem again. I wonder what their excuses will be then… Wankers!