Confessions of a man with an allergy

‘Confessions of a man with an allergy’

An Arsenal blog that might make you angry

Back around 2016 I decided to dabble into politics. Not because I found it interesting, but because I realized how it was directly impacting my life and the life of my family. Very quickly, and because I have a brain, I noticed that the most overused word by politicians was “clear.” As if this word was a trigger for the general population to instantly go into a trance.  ‘Well it must be true, he’s made it clear.’

When you’ve lived half a life and you haven’t switched your brain off then you come to the conclusion that if somebody is telling you the truth, they don’t have to convince you.

So my allergy and subsequent rash that I had developed when I heard the word ‘clear’ was about to intensify as around a similar time football decided that it was gonna use the same word to help referees to decide whether it was a penalty kick. ‘Clear and obvious’ are actually the same thing and so as soon as this phrase walked into my living room I knew that we were going to start swimming in many massive piles of excrement.

Here is a list of a few things that are ‘clear.’

• I really like Arsenal
• You do too, or you probably wouldn’t be reading a blog on the subject.
• I get tired after 1 PM and need a siesta but cannot have one.
• The definition of a politician’s job is to serve the people. It is clear that their goal is the actual opposite. To serve themselves.
• Greggs, Percy Pigs and pizza are all very popular.
• The Last Airbender wasn’t supposed to be a comedy, but the acting was so amateur that I genuinely thought that I was watching a spoof.
• We don’t spend as much time with other people as we used to and fill that time on a device.
• The fact that Tottenham fans have to cheer us on against Westham is brilliant.

I suppose we need to make a list of things that are not clear…

• Which jar of pickles or carton of orange juice you should buy in an American grocery store. There are 73 options of each.
• What the guy with the brush is doing in curling
• Why you would participate in the Coopers Hill Cheese roll in Gloucestershire each year. Also, why you would think it would be a good idea to practice for it.

• Why Ashleigh Neville of Tottenham women’s team went to the hairdressers and asked for this.

• Why any TV network would employ Dermot Gallagher to impartially comment on refereeing decisions

And finally…

• Why a referee would think that it is OK to come to the conclusion that he has made a clear and obvious error when he needs to look at the incident 13 times and after his bestie in a studio somewhere spent three minutes looking at the same thing. Also, why it was OK for Diego Simeone to be standing yards away screaming at him.

Can you imagine taking a referee course and being given that as a question?

The answer should be that this is 100% not a clear and obvious mistake and that the Athleti coach would need a yellow card. For a bonus point or two you could add that the fourth official is a waste of time and the fella in the VAR booth needs to find a different occupation.

 

If UEFA were marking your paper then you would most certainly have failed this part of the test. They would point to evidence in what for them was one of two of the most important games of the season so far and that they decided in the Champions League Semi Final to do the actual opposite of what the rulebook says.

The test wouldn’t get any better for you if the next question asked you what the rulebook says about a ball being deflected by your body onto your hand. You would of course state that the rulebook says that this is not a penalty kick, but alas, you would be wrong. You forgot the asterix that states, * but it is in a Champions League Semi Final, if Ben White does it.

You would of course try to argue your case that his arm was actually in a natural position because his opposite leg was extended, trying to block the shot, and therefore humans automatically use their opposite arm for balance, and so therefore it is very much a natural position. Again, sorry! You would get a big fat zero with this answer. This next image is very interesting. He has a good point.

Your final question that many people missed is hidden at the bottom of the test. It asks you if this image shows a player who is…

a) performing a crucial and difficult piece of choreography on Strictly Come Dancing

b) didn’t get any action on Valentine’s Day

c) is about to perform a WWF bodyslam

d) is clearly stopping Gabriel from attacking the ball

By the time you got to this question, you realize that this test is being graded by Oliver the Opposite, and so you choose c). Congratulations! You finally got one right.

Fast forward to this summer or next, and I’m betting that footballers, football managers, and those running clubs will demand a meeting with those creating the rules and implementing them. It will have to be done with at least 75% participation from all clubs for it to work otherwise it will be seen as whining. Initially, they need to make suggestions as to how to improve decisions on the field. If that doesn’t work, then there needs to be a boycott. Players or clubs need to go on strike to force change because what we are seeing is either intentional corruption, complete ineptitude or simply, an extremely low standard of decision-making and consistency in the most popular game in the world. My nephew Oscar is a great dude, but you wouldn’t ask him to direct the next Star Wars movie.

The meeting needs to involve an equally important conversation on the amount of games that PL clubs are required to play.  I won’t be surprised if Arsenal Football Club actually head this up. I just cannot see a world when Mikel keeps going into another season, knowing that all of his hard work is going to be scuppered by corruption or ineptitude.

POSITIVES 

Arteta:

The first half in particular was a really accomplished away European performance. Simeone said that in the second half he could tell that we were fatigued until we got our second wind, so I feel comfortable to not place that at the coach’s feet.

What I do want to say about our coach is that he has a gift at finding the right words. After the game, he called the penalty incident “against the rules.” Very calm but very firm and the perfect choice of words. It takes opinion out because this wasn’t an opinion. FIFA chose how they wanted refereeing to go, and the decision went against their own rules. What they need to realize is that the slightest contact can send somebody off-balance and falling on the ground.

Hincapie:

He’s got a nasty habit of consistently shutting down his winger.

I think the club wanted a left back version of Timber and they seem to have it. I think he’s a bigger attacking threat than Timber, also. Perhaps goal scoring threat is a better description. Arsenal don’t often cross the ball in the air and I understand and agree with this. They do need to consider using Hincapie, though. Martinelli often makes a run past him and into the middle, which drags the last defender inside. Hincapie can often be alone at the back post. He’s probably better in the air than anybody else in the box.

Rice at 6:

This was a big night for Arsenal. Not just because of the stage but of the success that we had in once again utilizing Declan Rice in a position that he is arguably better at. There isn’t a coach in world football that wouldn’t swap our back six for theirs if Declan Rice was the DM.

Teams rarely build up in in central areas anyway. They just utilize the central area to play out from the back and Declan Rice is just as technical as Zubi and capable of getting out of the press. He’s obviously more athletic, even though Zubi doesn’t lack in that area but Rice is an athletic phenomenon. There is also a strong argument that Zubi is better closer to goal than Rice. That is a little hard to prove because we don’t use Rice in the way we should in the final third anyway. We should be crossing outswingers towards his head and encouraging him to take more two touch shots outside the box, but we don’t.

Eze:

He’s the discovery of the season. At one point it looked like he was going to be considered a flop. He seemed to lack the drive to get on the ball. Recently, he has been given the keys and he clearly flourishes in this role. Arsenal have very little freedom in their structure, but I believe that he has more than anybody else. He pops up in all kinds of different areas and his success is fundamentally based on his first touch being one of the best in football. Watch it. It is so soft and elegant. You can even fire rockets at him and he can put the ball in the perfect position for a second touch.

I wonder if the rumor of Ederson at Atalanta are because we are considering moving on Odegaard and having Ederson as an attacking midfield or back up to Eze.

Raya:

He is not going to win Player of the Year at Arsenal or in the Premier League but I won’t be surprised if he wins Goalkeeper of the Year in Europe. I think that he should be a strong candidate to win the awards in England but he doesn’t get the positive press to do so.

His superpower is consistently going above and beyond. The other goalkeepers don’t have the same ability or confidence in it. Quicker reactions, cleaner, hands under pressure when receiving crosses and regular match winning saves, and not only just one per game either.

London:

With fatigue being a real issue, this is very helpful.

NEEDS

Simeone:

Perhaps the Spanish media are all over Diego Simeone. I truly don’t know. What I can tell though is that his aggressive approach to coaching will intimidate certain referees and Simeone was largely responsible for the game staying at 1–1.

Their pitch failed a pitch inspection, yet nothing was done about it. At halftime they only watered one side of the field. He was very much involved in the penalty incident and overall he is just a more aggressive version of our coach.

I can’t speak to UEFA rules and accountability for the way they treat their pitch, but I do know that rules without accountability are largely pointless.

Logo:

How about not putting something you don’t want people to walk over right in the middle of where people walk. Knowing Simeone, he did it intentionally so he would often have a reason to fire up the dressing room.

Odegaard:

I’m starting to wonder whether he will stay next season. I’m also starting to question whether I want him to stay. He’s clearly a very good footballer and is a genius at ball retention. I think he has a much higher ceiling than we have seen at Arsenal, also. If I was him, I would want to play for a team where I got more freedom to take risks and lose possession occasionally in doing so. I think Arteta has turned him into a stat follower and ultimately I’m not sure if the way he plays hurts us more than it helps us.  Our tempo needs to increase and it decreases even more when he’s playing. Our unpredictability and desire to take risk needs to change, but becomes more evident when he’s playing. Our need to have an attacking midfielder who contributes goals and assists is evident, especially when our forwards are not of the level of some other powerhouses. Martin has stopped scoring goals or even looking like he can score and the assists don’t match his reputation.

Spurs:

…. Should be relegated just for doing this….

HOPES

Osimhen:

Goals, pressing monster, quick, goals, aerial threat, goals, desire to play and win at a big club and goals. This would be a very interesting alternative option that most would consider an upgrade.

Vasilije Kostov:

I’ve just watched his compilation. I wasn’t overly impressed to be honest. It sounds like we are more advanced in this deal than any other though. If that is the case then I’m sure that he is an elite talent because there’s no way that modern day Arsenal would bother otherwise.  Even though he’s an attacking midfielder, he looks like he profiles more as a defensive midfielder.

Baris Alper Yilmaz:

I would love a super fast right footed winger this summer. We might need to not spend Kvara money if we are buying a midfielder for a round or over £100M.

If these three qualities also appeal to you, I would strongly advise you to watch a clip of Yilmaz. He might actually be the fastest winger in the world. The most direct winger in the world and possibly the best value for money at around £25M.

Arsenal are apparently interested and I think that the fact that he plays on both wings and also play striker makes him a much cheaper option to Anthony Gordon who I believe might be Arteta‘s first choice.

Alvarez:

He is apparently top of our list as a striker alternative. I have a theory that we might be ruthless and sell VG (or Noni) which would contribute 2/3 of the funds for this transfer. I think there is also a chance that we cash in on players that are perennially injured. Kai would come into that equation as would Califiori, unfortunately.

Tonali:

I think he is a very real possibility for this summer. I think he would have to push for it though. An all round midfielder who would be very useful, no doubt. Can do everything and does do everything. A better version of Enzo Fernandez.

Barcelona player:

Check this out…

Carrasco is a former campaign manager for the Barcelona president. This could be nonsense, but it’s probably something. It could also be one of many players and it could have nothing to do with Arsenal. I’m just being cheeky and wondering if he is talking about Pedri and if Arteta is working his magic.

Fulham:

I don’t want to see Zubi against Fulham. Ideally Declan Rice will need a break also but Norgaard comes in cold every two months and that’s not fair to him.

I’d love to see Lewis–Skelly play as a DM if the club thinks he is ready and play with two number eights.

Energy players:

Diego Simeone spotted that Arsenal lacked energy for the first 25 minutes of the second half.  That has become a pattern.

I’m sure that the club have a plan and I trust them, but I do get concerned that we are not willing to take even one risk per game. I would play Dowman against Fulham. I doubt that will happen. Playing Calafiori isn’t a risk and Mosquera either so that will probably happen.

If energy is our problem, then we can’t be afraid to try and fix it

Jarred Gillet:

I don’t want to scare you, but this guy is on duty on Saturday. He has a reputation of disliking Arsenal and making big decisions against us. Just watch out for him.

10 words:

These 10 words need to be the main focus of our summer.

FINAL THOUGHT 

This keeps happening. Whether it be coaches of other teams or fans. They notice something very different when we show up.

It’s unlikely that the reason that we win something this season will be because our attacking football was better than City, Bayern or PSG, but let’s not forget that there are multiple ways to win in football.

As much as we are concerned about our current lack in the final third, our opponents are just as concerned about how they are going to score when they play us.