In a hastily arranged press conference held somewhere between PGMOL HQ and Howard Webb’s safe room, the FA unveiled its boldest reform yet: a package of emergency laws specifically designed to prevent Arsenal from winning football matches via set pieces and, even worse, taking their time over them. “Enough is enough,” sighed one FA official, […]
In a development that statisticians are describing as “FRANKly offensive to Tottenham Hotspur,” Arsenal have secured St Totteringham’s Day on 1 March 2026, the earliest North London coronation since the tradition took shape over a century ago. Historians of the rivalry note that this is the latest twist in a feud that has bubbled since […]
Oh the irony, Manure pundits are clutching their pearls and calling for Martinelli to be hung, drawn and quartered, and put on spikes at The Tower for all to see. The game was littered with gamesmanship on both sides. Both sets of players were going down ‘injured’ to break up momentum. Gabi wasn’t aware of […]
In an act of selfless generosity to football’s most vulnerable oil-backed institution, Arsenal bravely lost to Aston Villa, officially confirming that Manchester City are, unfortunately, champions again. Experts have described Arsenal’s performance as “a decisive intervention to protect City from the emotional hardship of finishing second.” Club insiders confirmed that Arsenal’s 1/3 of a season-long […]
Based on a true parody, updated from the original 2017 parody. Names have been changed to protect the guilty!! Something to lighten mood before the serious business at 4.30 Sunday afternoon or 3.30 Monday morning, depending on your view. Saturday 7.30am ‘Arry the Spud’s alarm clock kicks in to TalkShite’s daily breakfast phone in ‘Why […]
56,500 were in attendance to the only recorded moment in history when fans, management and players pleaded for VAR to be clear and obvious. At mid-day, deep in the control room at Stockley Park, a lonely VAR official put on his headset,and settled in for his afternoon shift. Chelski went 1-0 up after 9 minutes […]
Arsenal beat Brighton 2–0 at the Emirates, and eventually, it was the kind of calm, confident performance that makes you start Googling “how to emotionally prepare for a possible title run.” Goals? Delicious. Possession? Dominant. Brighton? To the most part, harmless. But let’s address the glaring issue: no set-piece goals. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Has Nicolas […]
And so we are back to normal programming, everything is right with the world, Neo took the correct pill and the system has been rebooted. Gary Neville has toed the party line and laid into Arsenal’s set-piece coach, Nicolas Jover, again: (Sky Sports) “I called him the most annoying man in football recently and I’m […]
Laurence Fishburne visited me last night and I think I took the wrong pill. (Photo credit:Warner Bros) When I woke this morning everything was wrong. Everything I read was wrong, Everything I saw was wrong. It was like everyone else wasn’t following their programming. Ex United and Chelsea players were saying complementary things about Arsenal!!!! […]
Available – Large, spacious, apartment, all be it, gloomy and dark. Single view outlook. Slight odour of bitterness and sour grapes. Current tenant noisy and winey. Location: Jamie O’Hara’s head. Price – Rent Free Again, TalkSports resident village idiot, is off on one of his, one eyed, Middlesex tinted rants. This time, Jamie O’Hara claims […]
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