Gooner Girlfriend: When sex and Arsenal mix

WTTGT Writer: Antonia “The Gooner Girlfriend” Hawken

There are two words in the English language that when put together create something allusive and intriguing.  I uttered them on Twitter a few weeks ago and managed to gain about fifty followers in half an hour. I felt important, almost like the leader of a revolution.  People, mostly men, joined in my cause out of curiosity just because I dared to approach a topic which some women may have considered before, yet done nothing about. I had stumbled upon the dynamic duo of “Arsenal” and “Lingerie.”

I lie when I say no woman has done anything about it. The idea was briefly made a reality by Katy Perry who infamously wore a West Ham corset and undies with the name of her hubby on her posterior for the EMA’s in 2009. Personally, I think she looked pretty top notch, though the colours of the club don’t exactly shout sex appeal giving her little to work with, so her efforts must be applauded. Arsenal, on the other hand, practically drip desire with their fiery red (something I touched upon last post) and rather symbolic cannon, so why hasn’t something been done about it? From my sudden surge of the faithful online, it’s clearly something you men want.

May I take this moment to apologise to the gentleman who requested pictures via Twitter whose advances I had to reject. Sorry.

I’m a typical girl in that I love all things feminine: floaty, lacy and shiny, usually as a combination, and luckily I rather like the colour red. As I write this I’m wearing two red items, though I’m not going to say where and will therefore keep you guessing. I have to say that if there was an opportunity to make the Arsenal attire more feminine, I’m sure I’d try it on and most probably buy it. I’d save it for those moments when your Gooner needs cheering up and tea in his Arsenal mug just doesn’t quite cut it, or the Arsenal rubber duck doesn’t manage to bring a smile. With the current crisis of confidence the club seems to be suffering from, now is a good a time as any to bring in the lingerie artillery with all guns, or cannons, blazing.

The only attempt I’ve found at something remotely sexy in the football underwear department is the referee costume from Ann Summers; sadly black and white stripes really aren’t my thing. I get the idea behind it but personally I’d find it tricky to maintain a straight face and pull out the killer moves when you look like a zebra crossing.  Perhaps I’m supposed to send him to the sin bin, give him a red card, penalise him for attempting to score offside – if you get me. I can imagine things getting heated, possibly not in the way intended, with demands for a penalty with Arsène pacing the sidelines whilst the crowd jeers and shouts “the referee’s a w****r”. That’s thankfully a tad unrealistic, but it creates the question, is there an offside rule during sex?

When I approached the topic of lingerie for the Gooner girlfriend’s, my boyfriend merely shrugged and commented that he’d rather see me in something from La Senza, or nothing at all seeing as the season really isn’t going too well. After the last few games I can see his point. I’ll permit him to cry in front of the TV or in his seat at the stadium, but I’d rather he didn’t start wailing when I’m trying to “entertain” him.  Even though I’d love to wear Arsenal inspired delicates to see his reaction, I’m not sure I’d be best pleased if I received them from him as my 21^st present this coming November (hint hint). Clearly it’s a delicate topic which would be made much easier if all football girlfriends were given a starter box with all the necessary items at the beginning of a relationship. I’ll leave it to your imagination to guess its contents, but rest assured, they would all be Arsenal related: cannon condoms?

I’m intrigued to know what the lads really think. Would you like to see your other half dressed in the kit of your team? Is there something sexy about her supporting you and them in her own, feminine way? Or, are you all now in hiding, pretending to like rugby to avoid approaching the topic of the Blackburn score?

More from the Gooner Girlfriend

Gooner Girlfriend: The ex conversation

Gooner Girlfriend: I’m not much of an Arsenal fan

 

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