The Secret Diary of Mezut Özil, Aged 30 3/4

The Secret Diary of Mezut Özil, Aged 30 3/4

Monday 16th September 2019:

71 minutes, 71 minutes, bloody hell, gonna suffer this week, really not used to this intense a workout.


Ozil dejected

Wednesday 18th September 2019:

Away in Frankfurt tomorrow, well the rest of the boys are. Emery knows the deal, no long away days for me 😁

Saturday 21st September: 

Boss says I’ve got to sit on the bench tomorrow. Not happy. Had a chat with Unai. Played nearly all the game last weekend and still feeling a bit knackered. Gonna see if I can this this sorted, really need to go home for a lie down.


Ozil Coy

Tuesday 24th September:

Captain, 5-0 win, played 71 minutes, feeling pretty tired, think I’m gonna go to the back of the bus for a kip.

Friday 27th September 2019: 

Pay Day; Worked 142 minutes this month, reckon I’ve earned this.


Ozil Bucks

Monday 30th September 2019:

Top game in Manchester tonight. Totally psyched. 

All set for a big matchup. 

Fully prepared. 

Boys coming around at 8pm. 

Fortnite comp all sorted.


Ozil Fortnite

Tuesday 1st October 2019:

Awesome game last night, Got the win we needed. Played a blinder. Top of the league !!!

(Editor: Fortnite league)

Wednesday 2nd October 2019:

Back to training, big game on Thursday at home Vs Leige. Looking forward to leading out the Europa Team.

Thursday 3rd October 2019:

Unai posted team sheet, apparently, and I quote, “When I (Unai) decided he (me) shouldn’t be in the squad it’s because I think other players deserved it more”.

Whatever, think I feel a season defining injury coming on.

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4 Responses to The Secret Diary of Mezut Özil, Aged 30 3/4

  1. Paul October 5, 2019 at 1:39 pm #

    Very funny, well maybe not considering his wages, couldn’t have said it better

  2. Jonathan Lehman October 5, 2019 at 1:55 pm #

    I’ll grant that you have a sense of humor, but you are not a nice man. Despite his friendship with Erdogan, Ozil has always been one of the finest men in football: witness his charitable activity wherever he has played and the universal respect and affection he has elicited from teammates. Unwi Emery, a small and petty man, has attempted to establish his authority by humbling one of Arsenal’s greatest talents. If he had treated Ozil fairly, we would be comfortably in second place, having won each of the three games which we drew. Shame on you for piling on in pursuit of a cheap laugh. Fans like you will keep us in the Europa League forever..

    • Wellmington October 6, 2019 at 12:27 pm #

      It’s called satire mate, get over yourself.

      It’s not me who’s gonna keep us in the UEL forever, which, by the way, I don’t believe we will be after this season

  3. October 5, 2019 at 7:39 pm #

    Ozil must have a 10,000 TB hard drive or 10Ghz processor. he can afford it….

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