Seven seasons and Mikel has been a busy boy. “Some managers inherit a squad. I inherited a crime scene and only Starboy survived the investigations.” (Source, Mikel Arteta (honestly)) Goalkeepers Bernd Leno – the guy who made a world-class save look routine and a routine backpass look like a near-death experience. Emiliano Martínez – still […]
Codename: 00-17. Agency: The Arsenal. Mission: Infiltrate the Premier League title defence, disarm a newly promoted Coventry City, and do it all with the kind of nonchalant cool that makes M sigh and reach for the paperwork anyway. Tzolis arrived at the Emirates not as some rookie double-0 fumbling his first assignment, but as […]
Adrian Durham has managed to say the one thing that’s even more clueless than England’s final 30 minutes at this years World Cup — blaming Arsenal for England’s failures and questioning Bukayo Saka and Declan Rice’s commitment. “Arsenal lied about Saka’s fitness. Arsenal overplayed Rice. Saka and Rice need to choose Country over Club. Blame […]
There are football fans who celebrate success, and then there are football fans who celebrate Arsenal not winning the Champions League as if it’s a trophy parade of their own. This is the great contradiction of the 2025/26 season: The Champions League is being contested at the highest level, actual silverware is being lifted, and […]
They said it quietly at first, like a superstition you don’t dare say out loud. Then louder, bolder, until it rolled through pubs, group chats, and North London streets like a familiar drumbeat rediscovered: It’s coming home. North London’s throne. Reclaimed. Not the old joke. Not the meme. Not the yearly setup for the fall. […]
Distribution: Strictly limited to clubs, officials, and anyone who can keep a straight face To all participating clubs, Following a comprehensive review of this season’s entertainment objectives, we would like to remind all teams of their civic duty to ensure Manchester City continue accruing points in a manner that creates maximum emotional distress for Arsenal […]
(more…) Steve WellmanEnglish by birth, Australian by choice. Traffic Engineer, Arsenal ST Holder, Sun DreamTeam Winner, Writer on @GunnersTown, Depeche Mode, Welcome to my world…
In a hastily arranged press conference held somewhere between PGMOL HQ and Howard Webb’s safe room, the FA unveiled its boldest reform yet: a package of emergency laws specifically designed to prevent Arsenal from winning football matches via set pieces and, even worse, taking their time over them. “Enough is enough,” sighed one FA official, […]
In a development that statisticians are describing as “FRANKly offensive to Tottenham Hotspur,” Arsenal have secured St Totteringham’s Day on 1 March 2026, the earliest North London coronation since the tradition took shape over a century ago. Historians of the rivalry note that this is the latest twist in a feud that has bubbled since […]
Oh the irony, Manure pundits are clutching their pearls and calling for Martinelli to be hung, drawn and quartered, and put on spikes at The Tower for all to see. The game was littered with gamesmanship on both sides. Both sets of players were going down ‘injured’ to break up momentum. Gabi wasn’t aware of […]
