Gooner Girlfriend: “I’m not much of an Arsenal fan”

WTTGT Writer: Antonia ‘The Gooner Girlfriend’ Hawken – Follow Me

I probably think it’s best to begin with a little honesty.  If this relationship is ever going to work out, we really should just say how we feel and do our best not to hurt each other.  I’ve been lied to in the past, hurt pretty badly and I find it particularly tricky to trust people so please, for both our sakes, let’s get the hardest part out of the way first…

…I’m not much of an Arsenal fan. I only “support” the club for one simple and, at times, pathetic reason that my boyfriend of two years would probably take a bullet for Arsène Wenger.  From what I’ve just said, it’s reasonably clear that I do know a little information about the Gunners, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing for an Arsenal fansite, but I want to approach it with a slightly different angle than the usual articles found here.

Actually, knowing a bit more about the side than I occasionally care to let on, he wouldn’t take a bullet for him, he’d possibly encourage the shooter, but I digress…

The age old saying goes that behind every man is a great woman, though I’ve come to realise that behind every Gooner male is a woman desperately willing the season to finish, for silverware to be won and referees to be angels; even more so than the fans that sit in the crowd, meaning that we don’t have to provide comfort over ‘Match of the Day’.

I’m not heartless, I understand you’re dedicated and I’ll be there to nod and agree with your run through of the day’s match, but if Van Persie’s performance on the pitch is going to affect yours in the bedroom, I’ll have far more to say about it than you do. 

It’s a game of two halves, gentlemen, and I’m representing the opposition. I represent the individuals who put up with their plans being pushed aside because Arsenal have a home match that week, those who have to throw away a romantic meal cooked for two because you’re still down the pub with the boys, even though you promised to be home in time, and those of us who rejoice and benefit when your team wins, and sadly suffer when they lose. 

Your greatest fans, Arsenal, aren’t those who hold season tickets, but those who sit in front of the television, occasionally checking the score so that we know what sort of mood our partners are going to be in when they get home; or at least know about that goal in the 50th minute you’re so pissed off about.

A word of warning, ladies: when you date an Arsenal fan, you better pray your bed is big enough for the whole squad, because they’ll be there from the start of the season ‘til the end.

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17 Responses to Gooner Girlfriend: “I’m not much of an Arsenal fan”

  1. August 2, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    This is so funny because it's so true. I always felt bad for putting my ex through it, bit god bless her soul she put up with it so well.

  2. Darren August 2, 2011 at 11:35 am #

    Absolutely class – mad eme laugh

  3. Wowza! August 2, 2011 at 11:36 am #


  4. Kill the teddy August 2, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    This was boring, im supporting spurs from now on.

  5. Craigo August 2, 2011 at 2:35 pm #


  6. IHAVEAGUN August 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm #

    It's nice to read different types of articles every now and then about my beloved Arsenal. Nice short read…

  7. EDDIE August 2, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    you owe me 5 minutes of my life for reading this rubbish

  8. Song17 August 2, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Fit but that's it….

  9. GOONER TILL I FRY August 2, 2011 at 7:13 pm #


  10. Gunner August 2, 2011 at 8:29 pm #

    Liked it

  11. arsenal kei August 2, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

    Love this

  12. Kieran August 3, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    There are always groans from the living room late at night here in Australia, then I move onto my gf

  13. akya August 4, 2011 at 11:14 am #

    hahaha.. thanks for the laugh 😀

  14. August 4, 2011 at 11:18 am #

    great post!!

  15. August 5, 2011 at 10:07 am #

    Yeah kieren it's like this,she hears me creep in she says “did they win” I'm like “yeah bby”. Legs open automatically. ;0

  16. August 10, 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    The ones bothering to complain about this article are clearly the ones who don't have girlfriends, hence they don't get it, or worse still, feel bitter and resentful.
    I think many can relate to this article and it was very well written too.
    Lay off the teddybear torture though, it invariably leads to more serious things.

  17. rettro August 11, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    Hahahah!!! Very funny post liked it.

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