LEAKED: Conversations between Arsenal medical staff and top midfield talents become public


Colin Lewis

Colin Lewin and (Doctor) Gary O’Driscoll are sat in the London Colney medical centre, drinking their morning coffee, waiting for the usual Monday influx.

At 8.30am there’s a knock at the door; the Doctor looks at Colin;

Bet you a fiver, it’s Abou”

“Not a chance, you pull that one every week, every week I hope we’ve fixed him and every week I lose £5. At the mo I’m £2,000 down!”

With baited breath they wait and in hobbles Rambo

“Hi guys, I’m back again, bit of a hammy knack this time. How long?”  Asks Aaron Ramsey.

Aaron Ramsey 18

After a thorough examination Colin reports.

“Well Aaron it’s not too bad, I’d like to say you will only miss the trip south of the river, but let’s be realistic, we’ll see before the jaunt to Anfield to see how you are going!”

Just as Ramsey leaves to plan a month trip to Ibiza and the medical team are about to sit down to their morning tea, there’s another knock at the door,

“Ab….. Oh it’s you, Mikel” the Doc exclaims.

“Splits ends?” sniggers Colin.

Offended by the insinuation, Mikel Arteta ignores Mr Lewin and talks to Gary directly.

After a long discussion, the Doc is about to give his diagnosis when Lewin pulls something out of his bag.

“Here you are captain, I’ve got some conditioner, that should solve the issue”

“Whatever,” Mikel sneers. “I’ll see you at the end of the week, OK?”

“And for the next few after that” the Doctor adds.

Before they can eve draw breath, there is another knock at the door.

“Jesus Christ” screams Colin, “Can’t you lot stay fit for five bloody minutes!!”


Sheepishly Jack Wilshere pokes his head around the door.

Before for Jack can utter a word, the Doctor jumps in

“6 weeks, tell Arsene it’s 6 weeks. Now go home and put your feet up”

Jack smiles, sparks ups a B&H & jumps in his car, as soon as.

Colin, being concerned about Abou Diaby, goes on a wander around the training ground to see if he could find his good friend. To his shock he finds him training with the first team. Waiting for the session to finish, he grabs Abou on the way to the showers.


“Everything alright mate?” enquires Colin.

“All good doc, boss reckons with all the injuries, I’m in with a chance to play against Galatasaray. Good news, yeah?” Abou replies.

“I’ll book you in for Thursday morning then” Colin retorts.

TheSundayMorningGooner: Here’s to finding three midfielders fit enough to face the Chavs

Steve Wellman

8 Responses to LEAKED: Conversations between Arsenal medical staff and top midfield talents become public

  1. Rob September 30, 2014 at 5:35 pm #

    Is this meant to be funny? If so, it’s not. If not, what’s the point. Utter tripe.

    • Dave Seager September 30, 2014 at 7:00 pm #

      Yes mate and it was.

    • Wellmington September 30, 2014 at 10:33 pm #

      Get a sense of humour, if not, why bother commenting

  2. scott September 30, 2014 at 6:56 pm #

    This is rly excellent

  3. kassahun berbero September 30, 2014 at 8:32 pm #

    u kid

  4. arsenalfan October 1, 2014 at 1:57 am #

    lol.. many a true word spoken in jest

  5. Alan October 1, 2014 at 6:28 pm #

    Rob, if you re so bloody humourless, go stick your head in a sandpit. I m sure there s space in wenger’s one . Thanks Steve. Nice effort .

  6. Wellmington October 3, 2014 at 9:21 am #

    cheers mate

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