THE BUILD UP

Pacing, Drinking, Clenching, and Harry Kane’s Face in a Potato

Urgh. You thought the past week was bad. The day of the game is absolutely unbearable isn’t it?
I usually prefer a 4.30pm kick off on a Sunday, but for this particular fixture, I would be happy to kick off at 6am, just to get it out of the way. Having said that, it would mean setting the alarm at about 3am at the very latest to make sure the bloodstream reaches the required level of alcohol content in time for kick off.
Still, 4.30pm it is, so we are left to do our best to find something to take our minds off of it, in an NLD limbo.
Not that anything really works.
I’m sure I saw Harry Kane’s face in a potato while I was sorting out the roast.
The last hour is the worst. Pacing, drinking, and clenching all at once. Until, finally, it’s time to settle down (LOL) on the edge of your seat with a beer in time for kick off. (I refuse to watch the pre-match nonsense through fear of putting my foot through the TV and missing the game.)

THE GAME

Arsenal 2 Tottenham 1

On a day like this, the content more or less writes itself. In fact, I could just not bother writing anything and just stick up a selfie of me sporting a big smug grin and you would know exactly what I’m saying.
I’m not going to do that because, quite frankly, this lockdown hair is beginning to look ridiculous. Time to get the old clippers out, methinks. Well overdue, to be honest.

Anyway, enough about my ridiculous barnet.

All the talk before kick-off was about Aubameyang, who had been dropped for “disciplinary reasons”.
It did seem strange that Arteta had put him on the bench, rather than drop him completely. There was also surprise that we had publicly declared that he was dropped for disciplinary reasons, rather than fob it off as something else.
Still, this is the North London Derby. The focus needs to be on the players that are on the pitch, not anyone who isn’t.
The whys and wherefores can be debated afterwards.

There really is no feeling in football like beating that lot. Okay, there are trophy wins, there are title wins and the like, but this feeling is something different.
There is no single word that can describe it, just as there isn’t one for losing to them.

I hinted in last week’s preview that I would be happy with a scrappy last-minute winner off of Willian’s todger, but now it’s all done and dusted, the fact that we were by far the better side from the first minute (despite an unnecessarily excruciating last 15 minutes or so) is infinitely more satisfying.
Coming from behind is always a nice way to beat that lot as well. Give that lot something to shout about before the gloating begins.
Which is just what we did.
You’ve seen Lamela’s goal.
He did a Rabona. Big deal, mate. If Martin Tyler and Alan Smith were a touch over-excited about that, then Jamie Redknapp was positively erect at half-time, calling it the “best goal he’s ever seen” or something. Yeah, whatever you say, fella.

We got the equaliser we deserved a minute before half-time, after great work from the once again impressive Tierney found Ødegaard in the box and his shot was deflected in.
Then, on 64 minutes, we were awarded a penalty.
A superb ball from Pepe found Lacazette in the box. Laca made a complete mess of it, pretty much missing the ball altogether, and was clattered by Sanchez. Penalty.
It went to VAR, the decision stood, and Laca calmly slotted home from the spot.

Lamela was then hilariously sent off for a second bookable offence, shoving his arm into Tierney’s face. I believe words along the lines of “Rabona that, you dirty little ****” were heard in my front room.
That somehow caused us to go completely to pot. Kane had a goal rightly, and hilariously, ruled out for offside after we’d given away a sloppy free kick. We thought we’d give him another crack at it and give away another sloppy free kick, which he hit the post with. The subsequent follow up from Sanchez was superbly blocked by Gabriel. It would have been typical for him to score after that penalty incident, wouldn’t it??

Anyway, after a hell of a lot of pacing, holding my head in my hands and a bit of cloth-touching we held on, and that was that.
That unexplainable feeling when the final whistle goes when you beat that lot.

THE AFTERGLOW

Delicious Salty Tottenham Tears

“There is a feeling that you get after losing to that lot that is like no other you experience as an Arsenal supporter……
The post-NLD blues is something else…. A feeling that is difficult to put your finger on.
The feeling in the immediate aftermath of the game is generally one of rage…. That rage often goes on until the early hours of the morning, usually accompanied by alcohol!”

I wrote that back in December, after they beat us 2-0 at their place. The difference between then and now is…. well, you don’t need me to explain it to you, do you? If you know, you know. If you don’t, you never will.
Where there was rage, there is now elation, gloating and let’s be honest, relief. The release after all that we put ourselves through this week.
Where there was drowning of tears and arguing on Twitter, there is now a celebratory tipple and tweets about how you’re “going to feel this in the morning but you don’t care”, posting pics of Arsenal players celebrating, and quote tweeting salty Tottenham fans, and their delicious salty Tottenham tears.
Where there was an aftermath, there is an afterglow.

The only thing that can top that unexplainable feeling when the final whistle goes, is the taste of those delicious salty Tottenham tears.
How on earth anyone can watch that penalty incident back and decide that it isn’t a penalty is beyond me.
It’s great, though.
After more than once questioning this season how some tosspot can sit there and watch an incident on VAR and get it wrong, it’s refreshing to see VAR get it right and watch Jamie Redknapp cry those delicious salty Tottenham tears over it.

It doesn’t get any better than that, right?

WRONG!

I can’t remember the last time I watched Match of the Day. There have been enough times this season where I would rather punch myself in the privates than listen to Gary Lineker’s stupid smug voice as he analyses Arsenal’s latest calamity with his stupid smug voice, the stupid smug crisp lover. I guess not bothering with it becomes a habit.
This was one that I was not going to miss, though. Not only because of the result, but because there was the guarantee for even more of those delicious salty Tottenham tears, this time in the form of Jermaine Jenas.
Unsurprisingly, he didn’t think it was a penalty. That’s not the half of it, though. I honestly thought I saw his bottom lip wobble at one point.
It was disappointing to see Martin Keown agree with him, but I find it hard to take anyone wearing glasses that are about three sizes too big for his head that seriously anyway, whoever it is.

A perfect end to a perfect day.

This goes on for a few days afterwards, and so it should. Milking it? You’re damn right we’re gonna milk it.
There’s nothing like a happy, gloating Twitter timeline on a Monday morning, along with those delicious salty Tottenham tears.

Up The Arsenal.

Darren Berry

Islington born and bred, Arsenal through and through.

Published author.

Is Yours Gold? The Arsenal Invincibles Twentieth Anniversary – available now,

Over Land and Sea (and Lockdown), Arsenal 20/21 – The Corona Diaires – released 2021.

Clickbait: Life as a Modern Football Fan – released 2019