Gareth Barry’s a joke, Gonzalo Higuain’s a certainty and Jack Wilshere will be the star of the Arsenal season

I have a feeling this is going to be
quite a week. By this week, I mean last week as you are reading it the week
after the week I have a feeling is going to be quite a week, if you get me.

If that hurt your
head as much as it did mine, give yourself a minute and read on, I’ll explain
why I just did that.

I am currently writing this last Wednesday (do try and keep up), and as I think
last week is going to be quite a week (still with me?), I’ve decided to do this
weeks piece about last week as chronologically as possible, in order to try and
capture the changing moods of what we now know affectionately as The Silly

Firstly, I
know I can’t be the only one to have noticed the rather unpleasant atmosphere
on Twitter at the start of this week (last week, you get it now don’t you?) I
am not going to go into any of it, in fact I have just deleted 274 words about
it. Instead, I am going to do what it seems a few others should do – take a
deep breath, take a step back, relax and get a bit of perspective.

I am still
very positive about what will happen this summer, but I am not losing sight of
the fact that I am also very positive about what we are going to do next
season, regardless of what happens during the summer.

If the
transfer window is having such a terrible effect on you, get off of Twitter and
go and enjoy your summer. Take a walk, somewhere nice. Read a book. Knock one
out, kick the cat, whatever floats your boat. Then, take a look at the bigger

I was trying to figure out what it is that has made people go foaming at the
mouth insane this year – three days after the window has opened.

The reason, in my opinion, is the root of all evil – MONEY.

This year,
we all know we have it, we are desperate for the club to spend it. Relax, my
friends, there is nothing we can do about it.

I find
myself wondering this week if other clubs fans get at each other as much as
ours do, I was half thinking about having a brief gaze into the Twitterverse to
explore this actually. Only half thinking, mind you.

Don’t get me
wrong, the vast majority of our fans are amazing, I have got chatting to some
fantastic people on Twitter over the last year or so, and continue to do so,
and I have always loved the gallows humour us Arsenal fans seem to have, and
that is still out there, although nowadays more restricted to those of my age
bracket to be honest. It’s how we grew up following The Arsenal, that will
never change.

We’ve always
enjoyed a humorous chant or two as well, I mean who else would have two
versions of the same chant based on a Wham! song for one player?

A seamless
link to the first real news of the week there…..

Wake Me
Up Yaya Sanogo

Monday saw a
surprising start to the week, with Arsenal announcing the shock signing of Yaya
Sanogo. I won’t pretend I know a great deal about him, but the signs are he’s
one for the future at least.

I hope
he’s better than Inamoto……

Go away with
your “c*nt from Togo” version, mine’s much better.

Gareth Barry?!

I awoke
Wednesday morning to find mass hysteria spreading throughout the Gooner (still
allowed to use that word, right?) Twittersphere as Your Super Soaraway Sun was
apparently reporting that Arsenal are interested in Gareth Barry.
What I personally found most amusing about this is the fact that some people
will read that we’re putting together a multi-million pound package for Wayne
Rooney in the papers and call it complete rubbish (which, to be fair, it
probably is), but we are linked with someone like Gareth Barry and they’re
jumping up and down shouting “Gareth Barry??? NOOOOOO!!!!!!! Fucks sake Wenger!
It’s Silvestre all over again innit? Wenger Out!!”

For Christ’s sake, however negative you may be, you must be able to recognise
bullshit when you smell it by now.

It gets worse though, I’ve heard the names Darren Bent (!) and Luis Suarez
mentioned this evening! If there is a Twitter God, he is absolutely pissing
himself laughing at the moment.

following day the Suarez “link” caused much a debate about morals etc, etc, him
being a horrible little c*nt and all. Sorry, but I am not going near that debate
with a 10-foot pole thank you very much.

Higuain on the Plane

It is now last Thursday evening (still there?), and there is a major buzz going
about regarding the imminent signing of Gonzalo Higuain, after a number of
sources have indicated Higuain has been given permission to talk to Arsenal,
and he’s been pictured at the airport.

It’s Sunday
now, and Higuain isn’t an Arsenal player yet, so this week turned out to be a
lot less interesting than I thought it would be.

Or did it?

I seem to be saying every week now about the ups and downs we go through at
this time of year, so much so that I’m boring myself with it. I did however
come across a rather morbid parallel………….

The Five Stages of
Grief – Transfer Window Style

Stage One – Denial

There is no
way we are going to sign Higuain, Rooney, Marouane Fellaini, Julio Cesar and Cesc
Fabregas is there?
Arsene doesn’t spend like that does he? How on earth can we afford Rooney’s
Ivan Gazidis has told us there is so much money available, but how much is
actually available for Arsene to spend? He won’t spend it anyway will he?

Gareth Barry?

Luis Suarez?
We wouldn’t buy him would we?

Stage Two – Anger

For fucks
sake. Why haven’t we signed anyone yet? The transfer window is open and
everyone else is more active than us! I’m going to send out an anti-Wenger
tweet and see who wants a ruck!

Why haven’t they spent our money yet?

Why are we dithering again?

Spurs have bought Paulinho! (Who?)


Stage Three – Bargaining

You can all
insert your own jokes for this stage……….

Stage Four – Depression

This is getting too much for me to take now. Higuain was supposed to be
flying in to sign for us on Thursday, I bet he’s going to sign for someone
else. I hate it when this happens, it happens every year. Why do you do this to
me Arsenal?

Gareth Barry?

Five – Acceptance


Finally, as promised I will give you my player to watch next season, and
this one is surely a no-brainer…..

Players to watch 2013/14 – Number Two: Jack Wilshere
Like I say, surely a no-brainer. I’m amazed that people have any doubts
about this young man. Imagine a whole season with Jack Wilshere being
fit? A mouth-watering prospect in my opinion.

I have heard a few people
question where Jack fits in with our current system, but personally I think he
has the talent and ability to play any role he’s asked to.
I honestly think he has got everything it takes to be one of the best players
in the world. There are obviously quite understandable concerns over the
injuries he’s had, but he is also still very young.

Sorry if that was stating
the bleeding obvious, but I still think some people need reminding of that.
Fingers crossed Jack can put his injuries behind him this season because I tell
you what, players of this potential don’t come around too often at all. It
really does moisten the gusset to think how good he can become. Arsenal DNA!

Thanks for sticking with me with this diary people. It
hasn’t been easy to write this week, to be honest.

Next Week DB’s
players to watch 2013/14 – Gareth Barry, Darren Bent and Luis Suarez.


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