The management team at TalkSport have had to sack Adrian Durham, after it came to light that he had been abducted by aliens and replaced by a shape shifter from Rigel 7.
Live on air, ‘Durham’ announced that;
“Not enough is being said about Arsenal. It’s about time I gave Arsenal some credit!”
At this point the rest of the studio collapsed on the floor in total shock
“I did say last week that Gabriel Jesus is the signing of the summer and I stand by that as well. He’s coming in already as a superstar, so this isn’t a player who’s going to sit around just soaking up money and taking the ‘you know what’. They’ve already got some really good young players. They made some good young signings last year who have blended in for a year and got used to everything.
Realistically, I think Arsenal should be finishing third behind Liverpool and Man City.”
Once everyone in the studio scrapped themselves back off the floor, the Men in Black were called and Adrian was frogged marched to a holding facility and a full investigation was launched into how he was replaced by an alien and how no one had noticed before.
The secret report was issued yesterday and my man on the inside forwarded me a draft copy.
The report is pretty expansive and conclusive, and the exec summary concludes that, yes indeed, Adrian Durham is in fact now an alien.
“Given that Mr. Durham’s Modus Operandi on The Arsenal is as follows:
Arsenal STOLE Cesc from Barcelona and must be forced to sell him back”
“Anyone saying the so called Invincibles are the best ever has lost their mind completely. The Invincibles are a myth!”
“What has Dennis Bergkamp done to deserve a statue at The Emirates?”
“Wenger did nothing. You do the maths. England hit glorious heights in ’96, then nothing in 22 years with Wenger in the vicinity. Arsene Wenger decides to disappear from English football and what do you know? All of a sudden, England hit the glorious heights again. Wenger did nothing for English football.”
“And, given his recent total 180, we conclude, without a shadow of doubt, Mr. Durham has been abducted and has been replaced by an alien life force.”
English by birth, Australian by choice. Traffic Engineer, Arsenal ST Holder, Sun DreamTeam Winner, Writer on @GunnersTown, Depeche Mode, Welcome to my world…