For all the benefits of being a Premiership Manager, Mikel must be feeling especially pleased with himself, as he gets gratis accommodation, living RENT FREE……….inside Richard Keys head. Not for the first time, Richard Keys has gone on an another anti-Arteta rant. Following on from; “I can’t hide the fact that irritates me so much, […]
Author Archive | Steve Wellman
Jordan can’t Hackett, as the Celebration Police Force grows
With the first submission for a change to EPL RULE 17.3.5a – Arsenal Player and Fan Celebrations, already under discussion.already under discussion. Two more exes are putting together dossiers to issue to the EPL rule keepers, to enforce more restrictions onto The Arsenal. Oleksandr Zinchenko was not in the matchday squad against Fulham due to […]
Dear Keys and Gray, Jog On and Get a Life! Regards, Laura Wood
The big wigs at the FA are bracing themselves for another raucous debate at next weeks extraordinary general meeting. Following Arsenal’s win against Fulham on Saturday (remember, 100% records aren’t for everyone), Sky Sports outcasts, Keys & Gray are submitting a 3rd attempt at getting the rules changed to limit Arsenal celebrations. After seeing the […]
It’s official, aliens have abducted Adrian Durham – TalkSport take action!
The management team at TalkSport have had to sack Adrian Durham, after it came to light that he had been abducted by aliens and replaced by a shape shifter from Rigel 7. Live on air, ‘Durham’ announced that; “Not enough is being said about Arsenal. It’s about time I gave Arsenal some credit!” At this […]
Hey, Big Spender! Silent Stan’s spending bender sends him in a tailspin [Satire]
A new dawn has risen over North London and The Arsenal are in uncharted waters. With the signing of Olly Z, The Arsenal officially became the highest spending team in Europe this summer, reaching £120 million, on top of the £140 million last summer. Upon finding this out Stan ‘Long Pockets’ Kroenke started mumbling to […]
Welcome to the Magic Roundabout: Arsenal’s transfer dizziness begins
It’s that’s time of year, it’s mid June, the transfer window is open and the Magic Roundabout is here again. Dougal wakes up and proclaims to the world “The Arsenal will sign Jesus tomorrow. He is on a plane back from Brazil as we speak. His medical is this afternoon, he will be announced to […]
It’s not fair! – Ginger Whinger complains at Arteta’s touchline antics
From my sources, Paul Scholes is going to make an official complaint to the FA following Mikel Arteta’s disgusting antics during the Arsenal/United game on Saturday. In the 32nd minute, Mikel committed the heinous crime of enticing the home fans to get behind the team, whilst Craig Pawson was reviewing VAR footage for a possible […]
The Football Association set to release an Arsenal celebration clause – Exclusive
Following the submission of official complaints from a number of players , the FA are to hold an extraordinary committee meeting to bring in a change in the rules regarding celebrations. My insider at FA HQ managed to take a photo of the agenda and faxed it to me this morning. As President, Prince William […]
What to do with Douzi, Dinos and Bill? – A Loan report, (of sorts)!!
During a normal day at the office, everyday lowlife and minor TV celebrity ‘Tears Margon’ was checking through his vast network of totally legal phone taps and spyware, when he came across spreadsheet on Arteta’s personal laptop titled: ‘What to do with Douzi, Dinos and Bill?’ Intrigued and thinking of the money he could make […]
The Kraken? Remember, for every Auba, there is also an Iwobi
So the mystical Kraken never materialised. We sold/loaned a grand to total of 6 (first team players) players for a grand total of £2m (supposedly) and brought, well, no-one, unless you count re-loans back to Stan’s American franchise. The biggest move was obviously Auba to Barca on a free. Number 14 number 2 takes the captains […]