Arsenal fans- You Do It To Yourself, You Do and That’s What Really Hurts All you do is stress about What the tabloid papers say Which big name is coming And how much we’re gonna pay And then the deal falls through You complain that we can’t compete now You do it to yourself, you […]
Author Archive | Steve Wellman
Auba’s Dilemma – Cursing Arsenal Captains Past
The summer break has arrived and Auba has decided to keep up with a bit of post season fitness. He grabs his headphones and hits the gym. In a moment of spontaneity, he hits play on the ‘Made For You’ page in Apple Music. As you know, the algorithms have got pretty sophisticated these day. […]
Reading between the lines: a translation of Arteta’s season summary
Reading between the lines Translating Arteta’s summary of the season: Quote: “In the league we have two (five after Sunday) more points than last season” Translation: “Stop your bloody moaning, it’s more points than when Unai was in charge” Quote: “The fact that we don’t have a title so close to grab because we’re not […]
There Once Was A Guy Who Owned Spotify…
There once was a guy who owned Spotify Who loved Arsenal and his dream was to buy So he spoke to Thierry And his mate Paddy Then they convinced Dennis to help them try Now The Arsenal are owned by the Kroenkes And about the club they don’t give a monkeys They’re only in for […]
Mikel and Zizou have a chat. [Satire]
It’s 9am Monday morning and Mikel has spent all weekend psyching himself up for this one phone call. Looking in the mirror, MA starts talking to himself: “He’s just a man, he’s like anyone else. Just pick up the phone and talk to him. Just ‘cos he’s Zizou, just ‘cos he’s won the World Cup, […]
Behind the scenes at the VAR (Very Average Referees) Academy
VAR (Very Average Referees) Academy It is the mid-season review at the VAR Academy, where all the ‘referees’ get together to assess how things are tracking and to check if all the refs are on course to meet their season KPIs. It’s 9.30am and the full thicket of EPL referees (google it, it’s the collective […]
Free speech is a right, not a right to hate
There are two statements that appeared on my feed recently that sum up a depressingly, growing number of our fan base at the moment. Anonymous (supposed Arsenal fan) on Twitter: ‘When you play well you get zero abuse. They deserve everything they get and more” Granit Xhaka: “I’m the guy on the pitch, not my […]
Over the moon or Overmars, Stan and Josh talk dosh.
After grabbing a wild card entry, the LA Rams failed to make an impression on the NFL Play offs and ended the season empty handed, again. Short armed Stan, looking to generate more funds to bank roll he favourite (American) football franchise, zoomed in Josh in for a meeting to talk moola. Stan; “ Howdy […]
Good onya Mat Ryan – Joining a hectic Arsenal Aussie invasion ….
The Aussie invasion has been a slow burner. Mat Ryan became the first (male) Aussie to play for The Arsenal since 1978 when John Kosmina played his one and only league game for The Gunners vs Leeds United on August 19th. As most of you probably don’t know, Kosmina played for the Socceroos (Aussies have […]
Pepe-Le-Pew and Will-I-Ain’t – Cementing their cause to be Season-Long Benchwarmers?
I generally don’t go along with singling out players, but at 1am this morning I was just astounded by the total ineptitude of the two GINOs. ‘Gunners in name only’, Pepe-Le-Pew and Will-I-Ain’t have further cemented their cause as season long bench warmers. Another stinker from the Ivorian and a no show by the Brazilian, […]